Young at Heart
정도현(공대57)
"Young at Heart" is the theme song of 1953 movie Young at Heart, starring Doris Day and Frank Sinatra. The song sung by Sinatra somehow evokes the sentimental journey of my youth years but also resonate with recent state of my mind. Before I continue further, I like to loop through last few years of my life to see how I arrived where I am now. It seems like yesterday when I told tearful "Good-Bye" to my wife in her dying bed. But it happened 6 years ago. Time passes by "Blink of an Eye". As an aging widower, my life had been stuck in limbo. For a couple of years of her passing, I felt an overwhelming "Sadness & Guilt", however I was not lonely because, in my mind, she was still with me.
As time went by, my memories of her began to fade and I was getting into a new phase called "Loneliness". My three children live nearby. I have a few close friends but what I needed was a "Some One to Lean On". As a Gershwin song said -- "I am a little Lamb who Lost in the Wood -- I need Some One to Watch Over Me." I flirted with a lady, but it was somehow awkward not having a genuine affection and sometime felt silly. In fact, the lady happened to die during our courtship with a brain aneurysm. How Strange !
About a year and half ago, during the height of Pandemic, a close friend of mine and his wife introduced a lady who happened to live in same town Greenwich, Ct. She lost her husband few years ago. During our first get together I immediately noticed that her manner and make-up is quite refreshing. She is thin but looks healthy. Her outfit looks simple and natural. She wears no facial make-up that is quite unusual for normally beauty-conscious Korean ladies. She carries all her wrinkles as if they are "Badges of Honor" of a "Life well lived" as a stay home mother supporting husband and raising kids. It also brings the images of two Hollywood ladies -- aging Audrey Hepburn, without any make up, comforting a suffering Sub-Saharan girl and Helen Mirren, well into her late seventies, unafraid of showing her mature beauty and sultry sexiness.
Furthermore, as our conversation advanced, I was amazed by the intellectual mind set of her which is authentic and non-posturing. Also, she is interested in my creative works as an architect as well as amused by my persona as an "Out-of-Control Human Wrecking Ball". We met about every day. Our conversation does not have any boundaries. We joked a lot, mostly self-deprecating stuff. I felt a genuine affection. We are octogenarians but act like spoiled children. She handles life matters with a magical "Soft Touch" but with effective persuasion. Though our bodies grow old, our minds go reverse. There is no denying that I am emotionally trapped -- I know there's "No Escape".
Sam Ullman, a poet, wrote a poem titled "Youth" -- "Youth is not a Time of Life; it's a State of Mind -- when your Spirit is covered with Cynicism, then you are grown Old, even at the age of 20 -- but you catch the Spirit of Optimism, you may die young at 80."
The Song "Young at Heart" stats with following phrase -- Fairy Tales can come True, it can happen to you, if "You are Young at Heart." -- Indeed !!
